I am scared of discussing this. Not because I am scared of the phenomenon called death, but because almost every person I know is very sensitive about this topic. Nevertheless, after a lot of holding myself back, I decided to face it once and for all.
In the past few weeks I got the news of deaths of people that a couple my acquaintances were very close to. I felt very uncomfortable facing those acquaintances because the way I perceive death is so not normal. I will attempt here to put down in words how I feel about death (especially when it comes to the death of somebody very close to you), and would welcome views that are in agreement or otherwise.
As for death in general, I simply see it is an end of existence. I look at the human body in the same light as the body of any other creature including animals, plants, insects, microbes, etc., and hence don't find any difference between the death of the latter or former. There are many related topics that I would like to write on at some point of time, like analyzing human beings and their actions after accepting the fact that all humans are but members of a species called homo sapien sapien, just like tommy next doors is a member of the species canine familiaris. For now, bluntly, death is an end of existence.
Now, things get complicated when you bring into picture the emotional aspect. The person who is no longer alive would have been somebody's spouse, somebody's parent, somebody's sibling, etc., and all those "somebodys" have emotional ties with that person that are difficult to let loose. All those "somebodys" are going to miss that person. All those "somebodys" are deeply hurt by the absence of that person. I do fully understand, accept, and respect these emotions. What I don't understand is that was it the intention of that person to give so much pain to all those "somebodys"? Or more importantly, will seeing all the "somebodys" in grief make that person happy at all? The conclusion that I come to personally is that if one really, and objectively, cares about the opinions of the dead person, he/she will start leading the normal life immediately. He/she will celebrate the life of the person, cherish the fond memories with that person, try to imbibe the qualities of the person that he/she appreciated, do everything that had the person been alive, would have made the person happy. Most people behave in the exactly opposite manner (except the imbibing of good qualities part). This is not because they don't care about the opinions of the dead person, but because they are not objective in the process. The shock and sorrow takes over the objective sensibilities, only for them to come back with time, sooner or later. The question I always ask in my head when facing such circumstances is: why not sooner?
The one thing that I don't like at all about such situations is my loved ones insisting that I talk to the person who has lost a dear family member. The fact that I have never called that person in my life tends to exacerbate this dislike. Just think about it, I have never, I repeat emphatically, never, called a person in my life. I only meet this person on social events, maybe once a year or less. Today I hear that the person's father passed away. I do sympathize with the person, I understand that he is in grief. I know that that is all I can do. There is no possible way in which I can help the person, nor can I be a shoulder to cry on because I am not very close with the person (or the other way round). So what should I do? My loved ones are of the opinion that I should at least once call the person up and say words like "I am sorry to hear about your loss" or "Let me know if I can help in any way" or "Everything will be OK" or "It happens, what can we do". I say to myself, the person already knows all this. I am sure the person is trying to cope up with the situation, let us give him room to himself to do it. Is the constant reminding that he has lost his father going to be of any help to him? It is like a person who is repenting on a mistake and trying to correct it, while everybody else just keeps reminding the person of how bad he/she is, or what a terrible mistake it was, or if nothing else point a finger and say "you are a sinner!". I have never found myself at home when I see the way the majority of people behave when there is a death, and everytime I have come across as a insensitive stone hearted person to most of that majority.
Maybe with time I will learn how to perform my 'duty' of talking to people in such circumstances. Or maybe I will not. The one thing I know is that whenever I become a victim of such times, I would like to accept the fact, move on with life as I will have to sooner or later, and pay homage to the person no more by trying to live in a way that would have made him/her happy. If a couple of week later I have to attend a wedding, birthday or baby shower, I will gladly go there and enjoy, because I know that if the person would have been alive, he/she would have expected me to to exactly that. All the people who do call me, though I don't believe in that, I am glad you feel about me. All the people who don't call me, I know precisely why you didn't!!